Advice, we have become addicted to both giving and receiving it. They are usually mostly words that we tend to take from someone else, whether close or a complete stranger, advice is presented as help to be able to solve a conflict, doubt, problem, they should be a guide to make some kind of decision, or sometimes they become suggestions about something in particular.
Opinions.
Many times, advice is simply opinions. That is why we can often distinguish them, as opinions are free. People love to give their opinion about things, but not always receive it (although that does not mean that the opinions of others do not affect us). There are companies dedicated to advising, counseling, and guiding people, from legal issues to life decisions. But then, how do we choose which one is the best or what does the title of this blog refer to?
First, let’s understand.
The issue is, first of all, being able to generate a minimum of awareness regarding this aspect that is often overlooked. If we stop to analyze it in greater depth, advice, slowly but steadily, becomes not only our life guide but in most cases our burden.
The way we live our lives is influenced by our beliefs about it (https://www.silverfoxmentalcoach.com/2023/10/10/nuestra-percepcion-y-nuestras-creencias-configuran-la-realidad/), which mostly come from conditioning and the impact that the advice and opinions of other people (mostly well-intentioned) can have on our lives.
Our notions of right and wrong are generated from an early age, based on our childhood experiences. However, the choice of what to do or which path to follow may be influenced to a greater extent by the advice we receive about what is right and what is wrong.
The problem with all this is that many times we manage to perceive it, but we do not know what to do about it. Others can give us advice that seems very truthful, direct, and beneficial, but we do not follow them. Or sometimes, if we follow them, we do not get the same results as those who gave us the advice in the first place.
Ok, so what’s the problem then?
What is the problem, and why do we often feel lost at times? We seek guidance in someone’s words to help us overcome obstacles, move forward, or indicate what to do and which path or action to take. However, is there any guarantee that this advice will be beneficial for us?
Well, the problem arises from there, at the moment when we withdraw ourselves from the equation. At the moment when we start listening more to others than to ourselves, we slowly become slaves to the charity and goodwill of those around us (friends, family, colleagues, social networks, etc.). Without realizing it, we begin to generate a dependence to know which direction our life should take. And well, I say, it makes sense when we think that we come into this world and to some extent, we are completely dependent on the opinion and beliefs of our caregivers.
However, as we mature and grow, it is important to allow natural processes to unfold and thus achieve independence. The importance of knowing how to listen to our inner voice is what is truly fundamental. In other words, there are abundant advisors, whether directly or indirectly. It can be a commercial that advises buying a cleaning product, or our mother who recommends something to us, or someone who has gone through grief and shares their experience when we are going through the same thing, or a therapist who provides us with the best way to face it.
Balance (Emotions and Reason)
It is extremely important to know how to listen to everything that others have to say, whether they express it directly or we capture it between the lines of a book, or simply by paying attention and applying a filter to the advice that comes to us. This filter is found in our own consciousness or in our lack of it. Here, the “facts” are not as important as the importance that resonates with our belief system and that is effective enough to make it worth following such advice.
Let’s think about the opposite case, that is, if we only followed advice based on the clearest or best “facts,” there would be no health professionals specialized in following up on chronic patients to ensure that they follow their treatment, nor laws that penalize people who do not use seat belts while driving (this sounds absurd, as these laws seek to benefit citizens themselves and protect their lives). People should follow these recommendations because reason dictates it and studies confirm it, right?
However, we don’t work that way. We are more driven by what we feel than by what we think. Our emotions dictate our actions more than our reason. We must do more for ourselves to be able to guide ourselves in this life. But that change must come from within us to be expressed outwardly. We will always be our best advisor, as long as we manage to have the ability to listen to ourselves and trust in our inner discourse.
It is about understanding how much the message sent to us in the form of opinion, advice, experience, or counsel resonates with us, and the interpretation we make of it through our emotions. The clarity of this communication channel with ourselves is what makes us our best advisors. We will always manage to adapt it to our own reality, so that external advice may be just an opinion, but our internal guide will always indicate the path to follow, perhaps inspired by the words of others, but never without going through this process of filtration or interpretation.
Taking Action – Decision Making.
To what extent is it related to the feeling of “making the right decision”? It is important to remember that, more than the decision made at a specific point or moment (which is inevitably linked to time and who one was at that moment), it is not fair to oneself to think about regretting a past decision. Instead, one must learn from it, and for that, understand why at that moment it was believed to be the best option.
So, it is more about what we do with the consequences or, rather, the results of what we decide. The wrong decision is not based on the result itself but on what we do with that decision and the consequences that derive from it. In this way, decision-making is delegated to a broader point where we project the possible consequences and try to choose the best option. This is where it is important to choose from an emotional point of view, and not just a practical or rational one, as our emotional system will be responsible for dealing with and interpreting these results and can change the association of the choice to something positive or negative.
It is obvious that we have a natural fear of the unknown, and many times our decisions will be based on desire and security. Self-awareness is important to be able to discern between the two since the point will not always be black or white, but a scale of grays that suits us best according to a higher purpose. In this way, we will be able to predict or at least generate the necessary satisfaction to support our decision and obtain the best possible outcome for ourselves.
