Generally, we can recognize a leader as someone who takes control of a situation and proposes the path, solution, or next step to follow. They are someone who guides others and usually has specific characteristics depending on the context, problem, group, or team type. In summary, a leader is someone who stands out and prioritizes the needs of the group above their own.
The idea that a man or woman “should” have moral, physical, and emotional superiority to position themselves in a socio-cultural status higher than their peers is part of an innate behavior in human beings as a species, as well as our processes of social stratification. These processes allow, according to the dynamics and demands of the environment, for the personality traits and life history of some individuals to produce leaders and followers, dominants and submissives, those who lead and those who follow in our social context.
This character, who assumes the position of leader and caretaker of others, is often attributed with the quality of strength, whether physical, emotional, or intellectual, as a requirement to face the responsibility of ensuring the well-being and survival of the group under their charge. (You are expected to bear the burden because you are the strongest in the group). However, we deduce that this strength and “superiority” is because the selected leader may not be affected in the same way as other members of the group in situations such as the loss of a loved one, a threat to their own integrity, pain, desolation, financial crises, etc.
It is like in movies, where the leader of a gang is portrayed as cold and emotionless. However, in reality, when the group collapses in the face of the tragic and premature loss of one of its members, we will not find the leader in the same situation. Perhaps they are also devastated, but they will not show it in front of the group.
What seems to be the problem that we can’t see?
Taking this into account, the stance of insensitivity has commonly been adopted. That is, mental and emotional strength has been interpreted as the need to hide true emotions, expressing phrases like “don’t let them see me cry or that it affected me”, “it didn’t hurt me”, and showing both verbal and non-verbal behaviors of indifference to disasters or problems.
In this way, real emotions cannot be evidenced, since the idea of strength in front of the group will be associated with the apparent immunity of the “leader” to the concerns of the rest of the group. Emotional strength (misunderstood) is determined by the indiscriminate and conscious suppression of these emotions and sentimental reactions. They become experts in disguising and hiding these emotions (although, of course, it is necessary to do so to some extent, especially in moments of imminent crisis… someone must maintain composure).
However, this false idea of emotional strength is far from reality. True emotional strength comes from fully experiencing our emotions in each situation, rather than avoiding them.
Real emotional strength.
Wanting to be emotionally strong through avoidance is equivalent to wanting to be physically strong and avoiding any physical effort at all costs. It is like desiring or pretending to be physically strong without experiencing the symptoms of exhaustion due to avoiding any physical effort. The underlying idea is similar to thinking “if I exercise to improve my physical condition, I will get tired and fatigue will make me look weaker”.
The same goes for our emotional strength. Strengthening it will depend on living each emotion, whether pleasant or not, laughing or crying, not avoiding the feeling of pain and weakness due to a hard or unpleasant event. Have you heard that those who cry in movies tend to be the most emotionally strong people? Well, this is precisely related to what we are talking about, since they do not avoid emotions no matter how strong or painful they may be, they live them, face them, embrace them, adapt to them, learn from them, and move forward.
In this way, true emotional strength is created. People who have suffered a lot do not become insensitive. Just like an athlete who, thanks to their hard training, can run a distance at maximum speed and does not get exhausted at the end, as it used to happen when they were just starting in the sport, people who manage to live, coexist, accept, and handle their emotions are not insensitive, they simply have a more adapted and strong emotional “fitness”.
Well, and why can this be the silent enemy of the leader?
According to the above, the leader and group members may have this mistaken notion. The problem lies in the fact that, on many occasions, leaders must teach by example to the people in the group, that is, “lead by example”. If the leader avoids showing emotions, pretends that they don’t happen, or simply does not develop them out of fear of breaking down, they will be teaching the same to those who follow them through modeling.
It would be different if we had a type of leader who is more human, sensitive, strong, and determined. A leader who is not afraid to feel, make mistakes, or fall. A leader who does not prioritize their image to the group over doing what is right, even if it reduces their “popularity”. In this way, those who follow them will be able to see the true strength of someone capable of falling and getting up as many times as necessary.
Furthermore, if someone is going through a painful experience, they should not allow their emotions to control their actions. Instead, they should manage their emotions, accept them, and allow them to have a positive impact that generates motivation, inspiration, and mobilizes people. We should not treat emotions as if they were the laziness of cleaning the living room and hiding the dirt under the rug, because there may be visitors.
Things to consider in this situation
The leader, in the face of a situation that generates intense pain, such as the tragic loss of a loved one, should not act as if nothing happened. They should express their pain with composure and let the members of the group know that they are with them in their same suffering, accompanying them in that emotion. However, they should not let themselves be overwhelmed by it. It is important to move forward leading, whether with tears in their eyes or with pain, for the well-being of others. Continuing with the topic of leadership, it is important to highlight that a leader who hides their emotions can send the wrong message to their followers. If the leader does not allow themselves to experience and express their emotions, their followers may think that they are not committed to the well-being of the group or that they do not care about them.
On the other hand, it is important for the leader to be a role model for their followers. If the leader is able to live and manage their emotions in a healthy way, this can inspire their followers to do the same. A leader who is able to face their emotions and overcome emotional challenges can be a role model for those around them.
In conclusion, a leader must be able to express their emotions appropriately and healthily, without being carried away by them. A leader who can face and manage their emotions effectively can inspire their followers to do the same, and can create an emotionally healthy and productive environment.
